Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Internet
This Internet access is just fueling temptation for a man overcoming a porn addiction! Alas I am not lost, for St. Anthony helps to strenghten me.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
1. An Update. 2. Original Pain Therapy
Today I see the counselor. In my eyes I am pretty ok now, after relaxing myself over the weekend, and hand another important chat with my priest. Though I feel this way, I could still like to use some advice from a psychologist's perspective. I thank Saint Anthony for his prayers and his presence today, since it was yesterday that I completed my Novena. I have indeed become stronger and more stable in my spiritual life and in my workplace. As I write this post, I feel like watching pornography because of a lustful advertisement and some blogs which I browsed. I am feeling the heat of the sin but I am not venturing into the fire. This strength of resisting temptation is improved but I still feel that I need help.
I am glad that I am getting over those two months of frustration and anxiety over myself because it was not a nice feeling. Over weekend again, In the Aspirancy Programme for discerning my vocation, the group of us ventured into Original Pain Therapy. This is a special therapy that deals with childhood pains from the womb till the age of 12 (the end of childhood). I can't wait to do the next session because we started to venture into ourselves. I recommend this to every person. Everybody has issues in their lives that has its roots in childhood like myself that needs to be soughted out to free the adult.
I am glad that I am getting over those two months of frustration and anxiety over myself because it was not a nice feeling. Over weekend again, In the Aspirancy Programme for discerning my vocation, the group of us ventured into Original Pain Therapy. This is a special therapy that deals with childhood pains from the womb till the age of 12 (the end of childhood). I can't wait to do the next session because we started to venture into ourselves. I recommend this to every person. Everybody has issues in their lives that has its roots in childhood like myself that needs to be soughted out to free the adult.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
God Our Father
I Love God My Father! for today he has saved me from loneliness and sorrow. He raised me up when i couldn't reach him anymore of my own effort. He came to me bring relief of body and soul. He came to me to make my life easier to bear.
I speak like this because for the past two days, i couldn't find the love to love. Even to love myself. I had just got suspended from my job for a day because of excessive mistakes with my work which i thought was so perfectly done in February. These errors haunted me and made my boss angry and very disappointed in me. What made the situation worst was my boss would have gotten into ton loads of trouble if an assessment of our department was done this semester since the institute is becoming accredited. This would have been because of my fault.
This was on Tuesday. That night I cried like a baby. I just didn't know what to do with myself since everything that seemed like my fault. not just work but everything. I need to see Jesus now now. I live not too far from a church which I remembered have whole day adoration. So late in the night around 9.20 I dressed myself and headed down to the church. there I weeped silently restraining my groaning as I addressed Jesus sacramentally present. Couldn't cry as I wanted because I was not alone. After finishing, I was more at ease with my pains.
Yesterday, at home, thinking about my life, God the father came to me. I needed a father so I yielded to his inspiration. I read the Messages from the only known and church approved Apparition of God the Father to Mother Eugenia Elisabetta Raviso?. After reading such a soothing love note to my person, God raised me, urging me to remember my dignity of being called his child. And as his child he deserves the right to serve me. He yearns to be with me in my troubles and rescue me from sadness, because his love cannot stand idle and indifferent while his child suffers. God our Father is the Best of Fathers. He reminded be that my reward for loving him and letting him love me would be great in heaven, and that I would be blessed because I believed without seeing.
These Messages of god entitled "The Father Speaks To His Children" was like drinking icy cold water under desert sun temperatures. It was like my soft comfortable bed after a tiresome day. I was absorbed into the moment of spending time with my father who loves me and do not want me to be afraid.
I encourage everyone to read these messages meant for all of us individually, since in my own estimation, many people do not know of these apparitions, more less, the messages. Its like an undiscovered treasure of riches. A secret that NEEDS TO BE TOLD.
I speak like this because for the past two days, i couldn't find the love to love. Even to love myself. I had just got suspended from my job for a day because of excessive mistakes with my work which i thought was so perfectly done in February. These errors haunted me and made my boss angry and very disappointed in me. What made the situation worst was my boss would have gotten into ton loads of trouble if an assessment of our department was done this semester since the institute is becoming accredited. This would have been because of my fault.
This was on Tuesday. That night I cried like a baby. I just didn't know what to do with myself since everything that seemed like my fault. not just work but everything. I need to see Jesus now now. I live not too far from a church which I remembered have whole day adoration. So late in the night around 9.20 I dressed myself and headed down to the church. there I weeped silently restraining my groaning as I addressed Jesus sacramentally present. Couldn't cry as I wanted because I was not alone. After finishing, I was more at ease with my pains.
Yesterday, at home, thinking about my life, God the father came to me. I needed a father so I yielded to his inspiration. I read the Messages from the only known and church approved Apparition of God the Father to Mother Eugenia Elisabetta Raviso?. After reading such a soothing love note to my person, God raised me, urging me to remember my dignity of being called his child. And as his child he deserves the right to serve me. He yearns to be with me in my troubles and rescue me from sadness, because his love cannot stand idle and indifferent while his child suffers. God our Father is the Best of Fathers. He reminded be that my reward for loving him and letting him love me would be great in heaven, and that I would be blessed because I believed without seeing.
These Messages of god entitled "The Father Speaks To His Children" was like drinking icy cold water under desert sun temperatures. It was like my soft comfortable bed after a tiresome day. I was absorbed into the moment of spending time with my father who loves me and do not want me to be afraid.
I encourage everyone to read these messages meant for all of us individually, since in my own estimation, many people do not know of these apparitions, more less, the messages. Its like an undiscovered treasure of riches. A secret that NEEDS TO BE TOLD.
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Friday, April 27, 2007
Saint Anthony of Padua
I remember my priest telling me some time ago that St. Anthony, instead of him running away from god when he had plenty problems, He ran to god instead. Hearing this brought me some encouragement to run to god with my problems. Yesterday I was fighting up with myself to go to god and I was saying/praying desperately - "Lord, now you stretch out your hand to help me. I can't can reach out anymore. It is you that need to catch me, I'm unable to continue the journey and reach out anymore. Lord Jesus HELP ME. I am losing myself to myself, drowning in my misery!"
It was then that I thought that I should do a novena to one of those saints who were sinners like myself and at the end of it all inherited heaven. And I remembered what my priest said. I feel like I need a saintly male figure or a Saintly man's prayer for help because some of my problems were of masculine origins. . I narrowed it down to my patron saints to which I have five - St. Simeon (from confirmation), Matthew, Anthony, and Peter because those were my names, and St. Martin de Porres because his intersession healed me at a time in my life. Right now I am juggling between the St. Martin de Porres and St. Anthony of Padua, and I have a feeling that I would choose St. Anthony because his feast day is in June.
I took the time yesterday to write in my journal all my burdens because I want to remember what I am shouldering these passing days; I have the hope that these days of darkness would pass though my faith is dimming as I would estimate. I am praying that I make the right choices for the direction of my life, as 2007 is my year of DECISION. I did not designate this but it was my priest. I have so much to lose if I decide wrongly, One MONSTER skeleton among many in the closet and if they get out or I take them out, it would be a messy situation for me. I want to be free from fear and failure and live happily, Certain that in suffering, I become a better man and draw closer to god. THAT is my ultimate goal!
It was then that I thought that I should do a novena to one of those saints who were sinners like myself and at the end of it all inherited heaven. And I remembered what my priest said. I feel like I need a saintly male figure or a Saintly man's prayer for help because some of my problems were of masculine origins. . I narrowed it down to my patron saints to which I have five - St. Simeon (from confirmation), Matthew, Anthony, and Peter because those were my names, and St. Martin de Porres because his intersession healed me at a time in my life. Right now I am juggling between the St. Martin de Porres and St. Anthony of Padua, and I have a feeling that I would choose St. Anthony because his feast day is in June.
I took the time yesterday to write in my journal all my burdens because I want to remember what I am shouldering these passing days; I have the hope that these days of darkness would pass though my faith is dimming as I would estimate. I am praying that I make the right choices for the direction of my life, as 2007 is my year of DECISION. I did not designate this but it was my priest. I have so much to lose if I decide wrongly, One MONSTER skeleton among many in the closet and if they get out or I take them out, it would be a messy situation for me. I want to be free from fear and failure and live happily, Certain that in suffering, I become a better man and draw closer to god. THAT is my ultimate goal!
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Aspirancy Programme
My week of uncertainty is finally coming to a close. This past week i have been anxious about the situation at my job because my boss was getting annoyed when my incapabilities was showing itself. And I would understand why because if i was her, I probably would too.
This weekend gone as well, I finally started this new programme called the Aspirancy programme that was geared towards a deeper discernment of the call to the priesthood. It is structured to be something like a seminary life experience but the difference is that it would last three months and we would continue to live how we live now, with regards to our jobs and commitments. Wasn't particularly excited when the directors said that the group of us were to begin a mission in the village of Guayaguayare (Amerindian Name).
I was thinking to myself- I am not in a position or state of mind and body to do this. I am going through a little crisis of my own and i am being called to a mission. again. now?- That was the last thing on my mind but I suspected that the programme would have had a mission intertwined.
This weekend gone as well, I finally started this new programme called the Aspirancy programme that was geared towards a deeper discernment of the call to the priesthood. It is structured to be something like a seminary life experience but the difference is that it would last three months and we would continue to live how we live now, with regards to our jobs and commitments. Wasn't particularly excited when the directors said that the group of us were to begin a mission in the village of Guayaguayare (Amerindian Name).
I was thinking to myself- I am not in a position or state of mind and body to do this. I am going through a little crisis of my own and i am being called to a mission. again. now?- That was the last thing on my mind but I suspected that the programme would have had a mission intertwined.
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Monday, April 16, 2007
Getting Tough
God is really is working in my life. This I know because hard times are coming. Some things that he is doing is hard to accept though I know that I must 'play along'. Two things I realize is happening right now. that god is preparing me for my desert experience where i must depend on him and him alone. This mind you is my prayer being answered. a difficult prayer being answered. My focus is forced to change and that is exactly how I want it to be. Let me give some examples.
1. I looked for love and affection from people, and god is allowing those people to care less about loving me.
2. I am having trouble taking control of my life, and my director tells me that we need some time-off.
3. I love my friends lot and now because of my director leaving, the majority of them will be visited less frequently.
4. I am about to enter into and 'Aspirancy Programme' which practically is a structured programme for men interested in the priesthood to be in a formation / discernment environment.
I was disappointed a little for the Octave of Easter, but this Mercy Sunday I made it my duty to cry like a baby, and present my brokeness finally in totality before god. No longer am I going to worry about my inabilities and vulnerabilities. I take it to Jesus, entrusting myself to him and his mercy.
I consider Divine Mercy Sunday a second Easter Sunday or Good Friday, because thats the day not a single flood gate of heaven is closed as Jesus has said in the Diary of St. Faustina.
1. I looked for love and affection from people, and god is allowing those people to care less about loving me.
2. I am having trouble taking control of my life, and my director tells me that we need some time-off.
3. I love my friends lot and now because of my director leaving, the majority of them will be visited less frequently.
4. I am about to enter into and 'Aspirancy Programme' which practically is a structured programme for men interested in the priesthood to be in a formation / discernment environment.
I was disappointed a little for the Octave of Easter, but this Mercy Sunday I made it my duty to cry like a baby, and present my brokeness finally in totality before god. No longer am I going to worry about my inabilities and vulnerabilities. I take it to Jesus, entrusting myself to him and his mercy.
I consider Divine Mercy Sunday a second Easter Sunday or Good Friday, because thats the day not a single flood gate of heaven is closed as Jesus has said in the Diary of St. Faustina.
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Thursday, April 12, 2007
Busy Week. The Mercys Thereof
O Lord! This whole week, gone and present, has been tough and demanding. yet still I don't feel the pinch. Easter weekend was a High and a very Low for me. Did everything the church required and felt good. The low was that I did something really really stupid on Easter Sunday of all days, but this stupid act taught me something I needed to know, and it also made some people in my life closer to me. It confirmed some strengths within me, especially the need for secrecy, and my love for Bl. Virgin Mary. The Rosary in fact did save me from disaster because the thing I feared doing the most never came to past and I was preserved from falling into that particular sin. Praise Jesus and Mary! You know what happened instead? I GOT DRUNK! never in my life again!
I really don't know how people, after getting drunk the first time, get drunk a second, third, fourth and fifth time. They must really not love themselves! one is so vulnerable and out of mind! I was even afraid of choking on my vomit and dying while asleep! I will never do this to myself again. No matter how much I trust the people I am with. (and they were true)
It made me wonder of the state of other person's lives who are drunken daily. How they must be very depressed or troubled in their lives, those who do not know what true love is and therefore cannot stop willingly till they know love. This thought was a very sad thought. That some people so hate themselves. O God if they only knew Jesus, they would find the will power to change.
I blamed myself alot for many things when I was drunk, and my friends were mad at me for that because we all drank together. but I felt responsible. And talking about will power, I was, Easter Monday, saddened again by the lack of self control I have, and how I seemingly always fall into the occasion of sin willingly without obstruction. I was contemplating 'should I go to Jesus again? Trouble him again? - I was thinking of this when I was drunk too - I can't help myself at all or make any right decisions for myself. That is SUCH a Weight on my neck and shoulders to bear. You really get to know yourself when you begin to know god. And it is an intimidating feeling. When I was drunk i kept saying "Only Mary can save me! Only Mary can save me!" I just don't like to offend Jesus like this every time. I needed the love, prayer and protection of a Mother, The only love I truly knew.
In order to correct this lack of self control, I get stern with myself and undergo a lock down. I need to be disciplined to make the right choices I say. My priest already tells me that I must not fear myself because I do all of this as a result of fear, and his guidance and observations of me, not only in this aspect but also alot of aspects, is truthful and very hard to hear. Its like he's touching the 'soft spots' in my being and pointing them out to me. the places where, if people exploit it or know about it, they can devastate me easily. My flaws in being. And when I often am overcome by them, I am afraid of running to god because it is his laws I offend. I am afraid to go to him alone and beg for mercy. I need to go with someone whom he knows and is intermit with, some who knows him and has confidence that he will give mercy. And I choose Our Mother Mary.
I have confidence in the mercy of god and i know he does not refuse a repentant sinner but it is hard to admit guilt and ask forgiveness. I never regretted the day I read the Diary of Saint Faustina. I know god loves to show mercy, and he prefers it. And come this Divine Mercy Sunday (15th April, 2007) I will do every thing possible to adore and worship the Generous Mercy of God. In my next post I will expand on my week's experiences and lessons - Real commotion happening.
I really don't know how people, after getting drunk the first time, get drunk a second, third, fourth and fifth time. They must really not love themselves! one is so vulnerable and out of mind! I was even afraid of choking on my vomit and dying while asleep! I will never do this to myself again. No matter how much I trust the people I am with. (and they were true)
It made me wonder of the state of other person's lives who are drunken daily. How they must be very depressed or troubled in their lives, those who do not know what true love is and therefore cannot stop willingly till they know love. This thought was a very sad thought. That some people so hate themselves. O God if they only knew Jesus, they would find the will power to change.
I blamed myself alot for many things when I was drunk, and my friends were mad at me for that because we all drank together. but I felt responsible. And talking about will power, I was, Easter Monday, saddened again by the lack of self control I have, and how I seemingly always fall into the occasion of sin willingly without obstruction. I was contemplating 'should I go to Jesus again? Trouble him again? - I was thinking of this when I was drunk too - I can't help myself at all or make any right decisions for myself. That is SUCH a Weight on my neck and shoulders to bear. You really get to know yourself when you begin to know god. And it is an intimidating feeling. When I was drunk i kept saying "Only Mary can save me! Only Mary can save me!" I just don't like to offend Jesus like this every time. I needed the love, prayer and protection of a Mother, The only love I truly knew.
In order to correct this lack of self control, I get stern with myself and undergo a lock down. I need to be disciplined to make the right choices I say. My priest already tells me that I must not fear myself because I do all of this as a result of fear, and his guidance and observations of me, not only in this aspect but also alot of aspects, is truthful and very hard to hear. Its like he's touching the 'soft spots' in my being and pointing them out to me. the places where, if people exploit it or know about it, they can devastate me easily. My flaws in being. And when I often am overcome by them, I am afraid of running to god because it is his laws I offend. I am afraid to go to him alone and beg for mercy. I need to go with someone whom he knows and is intermit with, some who knows him and has confidence that he will give mercy. And I choose Our Mother Mary.
I have confidence in the mercy of god and i know he does not refuse a repentant sinner but it is hard to admit guilt and ask forgiveness. I never regretted the day I read the Diary of Saint Faustina. I know god loves to show mercy, and he prefers it. And come this Divine Mercy Sunday (15th April, 2007) I will do every thing possible to adore and worship the Generous Mercy of God. In my next post I will expand on my week's experiences and lessons - Real commotion happening.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Vultus Christi Blog
One of the Best Catholic Blogs Ever belongs to Vultus Christi and not only that. Fr. Mark its author clearly chooses the most remarkable pictures. This is a must "add to links" selection
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A Tool For Battle
The Holiest week for the christian is here. Finally the greatest season for me is approaching, the season where there is so many Feast days. Easter Season. Being faithful to the good Lenten practices has been a challenge. But it all boils down to this. The death of our lord and the Three day liturgy. My God how i love my country Trinidad and Tobago. Good Friday and Easter Monday are Holidays and that means ReAL people 'hitting de beach'. Four days of no work!
I am and have been struggling to keep my thoughts and actions pure for this holy week and seriously hope and pray that I do nothing foolish or regretful over this long weekend. And I think i know the answer to keep it so. The Rosary! I just finished reading an exciting, piety driven document on the rosary by Pope Leo XIII on - Devotion of the Rosary written in 1883. What caused me to read that document? This post by a blog called 'The Holy Rosary' he had a link to
the Vatican's Rosary site
St. Louis de Montfort really knows how to steer My heart. - "If you say the Rosary faithfully until death, I do assure you that, in spite of the gravity of your sins 'you shall receive a never-fading crown of glory.' Even if you are on the brink of damnation, even if you have one foot in hell, even if you have sold your soul to the devil as sorcerers do who practise black magic, and even if you are a heretic as obstinate as a devil, sooner or later you will be converted and will amend your life and will save your soul, if-- and mark well what I say-- if you say the Holy Rosary devoutly every day until death for the purpose of knowing the truth and obtaining contrition and pardon for your sins."
I am and have been struggling to keep my thoughts and actions pure for this holy week and seriously hope and pray that I do nothing foolish or regretful over this long weekend. And I think i know the answer to keep it so. The Rosary! I just finished reading an exciting, piety driven document on the rosary by Pope Leo XIII on - Devotion of the Rosary written in 1883. What caused me to read that document? This post by a blog called 'The Holy Rosary' he had a link to
the Vatican's Rosary site St. Louis de Montfort really knows how to steer My heart. - "If you say the Rosary faithfully until death, I do assure you that, in spite of the gravity of your sins 'you shall receive a never-fading crown of glory.' Even if you are on the brink of damnation, even if you have one foot in hell, even if you have sold your soul to the devil as sorcerers do who practise black magic, and even if you are a heretic as obstinate as a devil, sooner or later you will be converted and will amend your life and will save your soul, if-- and mark well what I say-- if you say the Holy Rosary devoutly every day until death for the purpose of knowing the truth and obtaining contrition and pardon for your sins."
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Monday, April 02, 2007
Lord, Transform me into yourself
When you say - " lord, Transform me into yourself" be prepared to be in a very uncomfortable position. A place where you do not enjoy, and must challenge yourself to OBEY his instructions and trust in his providence.
I am on the brink of ruin in my own eyes. And this saddens me deeply and I wonder seriously for the second time in my life whether I should continue to live the life of the Gospel and Seek holiness. The work involved in saving my soul and by passing purgatory is tedious. And when faced with the sight of my weaknesses, lackings, failings in life and all of my faults and imperfections, the whole thing looks overwhelming, and holiness, unattainable. But i cannot accept this because i know Wisdom teaches the contrary. That holiness in attainable and god uses our weaknesses as our strengths. Yet I am a burden to myself. What hurts me too is that others confirm these frailties in me by their jokes, gestures and harsh words.
My God, how much of myself I must give to you to be holy! How much this act of love hurts me! To be totally submissive to you and your teachings! That I must Deny myself, pick up my cross and follow you, for my own salvation sake. Seeing the ugliness and the fractures of my body and soul, makes me deeply sad and want to despair. Yet I will trust in your mercy, and hope against hope.
I am on the brink of ruin in my own eyes. And this saddens me deeply and I wonder seriously for the second time in my life whether I should continue to live the life of the Gospel and Seek holiness. The work involved in saving my soul and by passing purgatory is tedious. And when faced with the sight of my weaknesses, lackings, failings in life and all of my faults and imperfections, the whole thing looks overwhelming, and holiness, unattainable. But i cannot accept this because i know Wisdom teaches the contrary. That holiness in attainable and god uses our weaknesses as our strengths. Yet I am a burden to myself. What hurts me too is that others confirm these frailties in me by their jokes, gestures and harsh words.
My God, how much of myself I must give to you to be holy! How much this act of love hurts me! To be totally submissive to you and your teachings! That I must Deny myself, pick up my cross and follow you, for my own salvation sake. Seeing the ugliness and the fractures of my body and soul, makes me deeply sad and want to despair. Yet I will trust in your mercy, and hope against hope.
Conversion to the Fullness of Truth
The Living Church Foundation has published and article that alot of catholic blogs are publishing. And thats because it is great news. Finally there is a hope of reunion with the Catholic Church.
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Thursday, March 29, 2007
Searching for God and Self
My soul feeds off of today's word which the church so wisely designates for us. Today for me is a continuation of my struggles to know myself and to conform my will and live for god.
This particular sin of mine has burdened me to the point of me just screaming. I feel like not crying out for help to god or to any man because I constantly allow myself to fall. I feel like i can't help myself because I continually seek after what is wrong and malign in my thoughts. I am saddened by this greatly though i am without despair. Anxiety finally takes hold of me. What crushes me mostly is the fact that i don't care as much as i had done before. That I am desensitized to evil and wrong doing, and i have little remorse for sin. I am losing uprightness because of the absences of grace and fear of the lord. my weaknesses and lackings makes itself known. And as a man I dislike being weak and lacking.
My day began with this wrong doing. For me, when I do not give my first hour to god, It is like an offense. I was trying to, for this lent, begin my day with god. I wondered to myself: should i call on god's help? God's mercy?
While travelling to work, I didn't even pray my rosary as usual but began to think. my physical outlook was sad. "I will go to my mother" I said, and i took out the Marian book i had and read this -
Mediatrix of Graces
"Beloved children, I am the Mediatrix of graces. grace is the very life of god which is communicated to you. it springs from the bosom of the father and is merited for you by the word who in my virginal womb, became man to share with you that same divine life, and for this he offered himself as a ransom for you, becoming thus the one and only mediator between god and all humanity.
From the bosom of the father, grace, in order to reach you must therefore pass through the divine heart of the Son, who communicates it to you in his Spirit of love. Just as a ray of light, which passes through a window, assumes its shape, color and design, so too divine grace, merited by Jesus, can come to you only through Him and it is for this reason that it reproduces in you his own image, the very same image which shapes you ever more and more to his own person.
Divine life can reach you only in the form of Jesus, and the more this increases in you, the more you are assimilated to Him, in such a way that you can really grow as his little brothers.
By means of grace, the Father communicates himself to you ever more and more, the Son assimilates you, the Holy Spirit transforms you, bringing about a relationship of life with the Most Holy Trinity, which becomes ever increasingly strong and active. Within souls who are in grace, it is the Most Holy Trinity itself which takes up its dwelling place there.
This Life of grace has also a relationship with your heavenly Mother. As i am truly the Mother of Jesus and your Mother, my mediation is exercised between you and my Son Jesus. This is the natural consequence of my divine motherhood. As the Mother of Jesus, I am the means chosen by God by which my Son can reach you. IN my virginal womb this first act of mediation of mine is carried out. As your Mother, I was the means chosen by Jesus that through me all of you may reach Him.
I am truly the mediatrix of grace between you and my Son Jesus. My task is that of distributing to my little children that grace which flows out from the bosom of the Father, is merited for you by the Son and is given to you by the Holy Spirit. My task is that of distributing it to all my children, according to the particular needs of each one, which the Mother is very good at knowing. I am ever carrying out this duty of mine. However I can carry it out fully only in the case of those children who entrust themselves to me with perfect abandonment. I am above all able to carry it out in respect to you, my favorite sons who, by your consecration, have entrusted yourselves completely to me.
I am the way which leads you to Jesus. I am the safest and shortest way, the necessary way for each one of you. If you refuse to go along this way, you run the danger of being lost in the course of your journey. Today many have wished to put me aside, considering me an obstacle in reaching Jesus, because they have not understood my function as mediatrix between you and my Son. And so, never before as in these present times, are so many of my children running the risk of not being able to reach Him. The Jesus whom they meet is often only the result of their human research, and corresponds to their aspirations and desires; He is a Jesus formed according to their measure: he is not Jesus, the Christ, the true Son of God and of your Immaculate Mother.
Entrust yourselves to me with confidence and you will remain faithful, because I will be able to carry out fully my work as mediatrix of graces. I will take you each day along the way of my Son, in such a way that He may increase in you to his fullness.
This is my great Work, which I am still carrying out in silence and in the desert. Under my powerful action as mediatrix of graces, you are ever more transformed into Christ, that you may become fit for the task which awaits you. Forward then, with courage, along the way traced out by your heavenly Mother"
With yet still a downcast appearance, I pondered on these words and won some hope and strength to continue. When I came to work now, I read the reading for the day and I ATE that Gospel up. I CONSUMED him who was the word. because Jesus was questioned about himself and in god he found himself. That is what i want. I do not know exactly how this word affects me but i feel like I gained some peace and grace to carry on.
This particular sin of mine has burdened me to the point of me just screaming. I feel like not crying out for help to god or to any man because I constantly allow myself to fall. I feel like i can't help myself because I continually seek after what is wrong and malign in my thoughts. I am saddened by this greatly though i am without despair. Anxiety finally takes hold of me. What crushes me mostly is the fact that i don't care as much as i had done before. That I am desensitized to evil and wrong doing, and i have little remorse for sin. I am losing uprightness because of the absences of grace and fear of the lord. my weaknesses and lackings makes itself known. And as a man I dislike being weak and lacking.
My day began with this wrong doing. For me, when I do not give my first hour to god, It is like an offense. I was trying to, for this lent, begin my day with god. I wondered to myself: should i call on god's help? God's mercy?
While travelling to work, I didn't even pray my rosary as usual but began to think. my physical outlook was sad. "I will go to my mother" I said, and i took out the Marian book i had and read this -
Mediatrix of Graces
"Beloved children, I am the Mediatrix of graces. grace is the very life of god which is communicated to you. it springs from the bosom of the father and is merited for you by the word who in my virginal womb, became man to share with you that same divine life, and for this he offered himself as a ransom for you, becoming thus the one and only mediator between god and all humanity.
From the bosom of the father, grace, in order to reach you must therefore pass through the divine heart of the Son, who communicates it to you in his Spirit of love. Just as a ray of light, which passes through a window, assumes its shape, color and design, so too divine grace, merited by Jesus, can come to you only through Him and it is for this reason that it reproduces in you his own image, the very same image which shapes you ever more and more to his own person.
Divine life can reach you only in the form of Jesus, and the more this increases in you, the more you are assimilated to Him, in such a way that you can really grow as his little brothers.
By means of grace, the Father communicates himself to you ever more and more, the Son assimilates you, the Holy Spirit transforms you, bringing about a relationship of life with the Most Holy Trinity, which becomes ever increasingly strong and active. Within souls who are in grace, it is the Most Holy Trinity itself which takes up its dwelling place there.
This Life of grace has also a relationship with your heavenly Mother. As i am truly the Mother of Jesus and your Mother, my mediation is exercised between you and my Son Jesus. This is the natural consequence of my divine motherhood. As the Mother of Jesus, I am the means chosen by God by which my Son can reach you. IN my virginal womb this first act of mediation of mine is carried out. As your Mother, I was the means chosen by Jesus that through me all of you may reach Him.
I am truly the mediatrix of grace between you and my Son Jesus. My task is that of distributing to my little children that grace which flows out from the bosom of the Father, is merited for you by the Son and is given to you by the Holy Spirit. My task is that of distributing it to all my children, according to the particular needs of each one, which the Mother is very good at knowing. I am ever carrying out this duty of mine. However I can carry it out fully only in the case of those children who entrust themselves to me with perfect abandonment. I am above all able to carry it out in respect to you, my favorite sons who, by your consecration, have entrusted yourselves completely to me.
I am the way which leads you to Jesus. I am the safest and shortest way, the necessary way for each one of you. If you refuse to go along this way, you run the danger of being lost in the course of your journey. Today many have wished to put me aside, considering me an obstacle in reaching Jesus, because they have not understood my function as mediatrix between you and my Son. And so, never before as in these present times, are so many of my children running the risk of not being able to reach Him. The Jesus whom they meet is often only the result of their human research, and corresponds to their aspirations and desires; He is a Jesus formed according to their measure: he is not Jesus, the Christ, the true Son of God and of your Immaculate Mother.
Entrust yourselves to me with confidence and you will remain faithful, because I will be able to carry out fully my work as mediatrix of graces. I will take you each day along the way of my Son, in such a way that He may increase in you to his fullness.
This is my great Work, which I am still carrying out in silence and in the desert. Under my powerful action as mediatrix of graces, you are ever more transformed into Christ, that you may become fit for the task which awaits you. Forward then, with courage, along the way traced out by your heavenly Mother"
With yet still a downcast appearance, I pondered on these words and won some hope and strength to continue. When I came to work now, I read the reading for the day and I ATE that Gospel up. I CONSUMED him who was the word. because Jesus was questioned about himself and in god he found himself. That is what i want. I do not know exactly how this word affects me but i feel like I gained some peace and grace to carry on.
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Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Allah's Wicked, Warlike and Pretensive Children
This is an article i found on Agnus daily and would like to get some feedback. Is this true? If it is, then the pope was right to quote the Byzantine emperor -
“Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.”
"Muslims train special forces ninjas in response to Catholic aggression
In response to Catholic aggression and proselytizing, Muslim countries have begun to train ninja-like special forces units that are designed to inhibit the spread of Christianity. The units are to be strategically placed throughout Europe, and will be used to secretly collect information on local Churches and Church officials that seek to promote Christian moral values, and theology. Muslim leaders admit that there are only a handful of Churches in Europe that these units will be assigned to, but it is seen as a necessary pre-emptive measure in order to maintain the stable growth of Islam.
Posted March 25, 2007@12:01 by Dean Soto"
What is this Catholic Aggression and Proselytizing they are talking about. All the Church has done is respect their religion and show truth through Faith and Reasoning. not through violence.
If this is True then the Emperor of Old and the Modern Pope was Accurate in their Observations and Judgements!
“Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.”
"Muslims train special forces ninjas in response to Catholic aggression
In response to Catholic aggression and proselytizing, Muslim countries have begun to train ninja-like special forces units that are designed to inhibit the spread of Christianity. The units are to be strategically placed throughout Europe, and will be used to secretly collect information on local Churches and Church officials that seek to promote Christian moral values, and theology. Muslim leaders admit that there are only a handful of Churches in Europe that these units will be assigned to, but it is seen as a necessary pre-emptive measure in order to maintain the stable growth of Islam.
Posted March 25, 2007@12:01 by Dean Soto"
What is this Catholic Aggression and Proselytizing they are talking about. All the Church has done is respect their religion and show truth through Faith and Reasoning. not through violence.
If this is True then the Emperor of Old and the Modern Pope was Accurate in their Observations and Judgements!
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My Annuncation Day
for the past two days my eye have been jumping. and we have a saying in my country that when the right eye jumps, you will see someone you haven't seen in a very long time. when your left eye jumps, you are going to hear some bad news. And almost everytime it is true. Yesterday I got up with my eye jumping and i was wondering, who was i going to see?
Yesterday was the feast of the Annuncation and I must say that i spent it reverently as i could. God permitted that I start the day with Adoration in my Church, Something that i haven't done in quite along time, and there I praised God for his gift of mercy to mankind (Blessed Virgin Mary) and offered my day to him permitting whatever he wills to happen to me, may happen to me. later on in the day i attended church half way through the mass. I was thankful but didn't receive communion. I also was tempted to fall into a certain weakness but i was able to resist. But i felt the 'heat of the flames' (the temptation)
So many people do not know the importance of this day.....to their loss. So many graces to behold, so much love shown. If only i could imitate the love of her, who loved god most while on earth, and who loves her most intermittly in heaven! oh would that be a joy. To be totally under the divine providence of god. My prayer is that I may know and understand the full dept of this Mystery of God and Mary in the Incarnation of the Word of God.
Yesterday was the feast of the Annuncation and I must say that i spent it reverently as i could. God permitted that I start the day with Adoration in my Church, Something that i haven't done in quite along time, and there I praised God for his gift of mercy to mankind (Blessed Virgin Mary) and offered my day to him permitting whatever he wills to happen to me, may happen to me. later on in the day i attended church half way through the mass. I was thankful but didn't receive communion. I also was tempted to fall into a certain weakness but i was able to resist. But i felt the 'heat of the flames' (the temptation)
So many people do not know the importance of this day.....to their loss. So many graces to behold, so much love shown. If only i could imitate the love of her, who loved god most while on earth, and who loves her most intermittly in heaven! oh would that be a joy. To be totally under the divine providence of god. My prayer is that I may know and understand the full dept of this Mystery of God and Mary in the Incarnation of the Word of God.
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Thursday, March 22, 2007
My Burden of Sin. My Hope in God.
Do you hate when you cause yourself to sin? That is me. For the pass two days I have allowed myself to fall into the occassions of sin. I hate when i do that. When I choose to disobey god and destroy myself in the process. Its like this. We are told not to smoke because it's unhealty for you and kills you faster. I causes you pain and suffering and it destroys inside of you...BUT YET you ignore that fact and continue because it feels good! And that the problem with sin. It feels good, and it is only after we have committed the sin that we feel guilty, and its only later on in life we wonder why such and such a thing is happening to us.
Sometimes I wonder, "why do I even bother to try and get better? Every time i try to i end up doing the same shit again!" The answer is really simple, and i have learnt it. Unless you decide for Goodness/Righteousness, you will never be happy. You must always keep trying. And that's the plain truth. God did not make us to suffer, we chose that for ourselves, but we have to suffer because it makes us happy people in the long run. Virtue I learnt is acquired through habit. A person who complains is never happy. A person who is a peace is.We have to suffer because it is the means for our salvation.
Another answer to this question because God has promised Mankind (me) that if you live the life of the Gospel, and Trust in His mercy, How can he as a Father not forgive me and help. He said he will restore mankind (me) to his former glory (The Mystical City of God book), He said that he awards the effort more than the achievement (Diary of St. Faustina). So that gives me courage to continue. Guilt is good because it let you be aware of you sins and repent for them. Yes he is Just but he favours mercy. Being just if you look at it carefully is really an act of Mercy. Thats why there is a Saving Justice.Monday, March 19, 2007
St. Joseph, St. Imelda
Today on the Solemnity of St. Joseph, my attention turns to Blessed Imelda Lambertini. Hey, this was not my choice. I'm alreadying feeling bad that i have not don't anything to honour him today. Maybe later i will say pray and honour him in a special way. Anyhow, my attention turns to Blessed Imelda because I need to find her story. There is so may versions of the story online but just not the one i am accustomed to hearing. She is another example of purity of soul and love for our lord in the Eucharist. I so happened that my teacher is converting to catholicism and she needs a patron saint and i suggested a few that i have a relationship with - St. Faustina, St. Theresa of Avila, St. Philomena.....as i said st. Philomena I remembered St. Imelda.
I first came to know about St. Imelda by Reading her story in a book "Incorruptibles" A book i hope I purchase one day.
I first came to know about St. Imelda by Reading her story in a book "Incorruptibles" A book i hope I purchase one day.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Wisdom Sharing
Today was designated by the Archdiocese of Port of Spain as the day for Prayer, Fasting and Alms giving. and i must confess that i have not done this to any significant degree. What i have done was used my work as my prayer.
Instead of complaining, i offered this thing that i didn't want to do for god's own sake. This is the way to holiness according to the famous writer of the book "The Joy of Full Surrender" by Rev. Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade. He says :-
In Truth, Holiness consist of one single thing: faithfulness to the will of God. Now this faithfulness is within the reach of all, whether it calls for active or passive practice of our faith.
Active faithfulness means fulfilling the duties which are ours by the general laws of god and of the church, or by our particular state of life. Passive faithfulness consists in the loving acceptance of all that God sends us each moment........ Learn what you seem to do not know: In the realm of nature, the god of all goodness has made those things easy which are universal and necessary - breathing, eating, and sleeping. No less essential in the supernatural realm are love and faithfulness............The passive aspect of faithfulness is easier still, since it only consists of accepting what most frequently cannot be avoided, and in bearing with love, consolation and sweetness, what we too often endure with weariness and irritation......All they have to do is to fulfill the simple dutiesof a Christian and of their state of life, and bear with submission the crosses involved, and to accept with faith and love the work and suffering which unsought come endlessly to them through God's own providential designs. This is the spirit by which the Patriarchs and Prophets were moved and sanctified.....
Moving on. Besides all of that,
Today I Finally decided to spend the time and figure out how it is to place that
banner on my blog. For anyone else who is looking for the format to place it on their blog, here is an easy way. click on my banner, save it on your pc, then do like if you are going to write another post for your blog, click 'insert picture', when it is inserted into your blog posting area, view it in 'edit html'(you are not going into your template as yet). when that is done copy and paste it into your template in the place where you want your picture to be. I dont know anything about HTML but i used my common sense to figure out stuff. so if youre getting trouble, use yours.
Salus Credentium.
Instead of complaining, i offered this thing that i didn't want to do for god's own sake. This is the way to holiness according to the famous writer of the book "The Joy of Full Surrender" by Rev. Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade. He says :-
In Truth, Holiness consist of one single thing: faithfulness to the will of God. Now this faithfulness is within the reach of all, whether it calls for active or passive practice of our faith.
Active faithfulness means fulfilling the duties which are ours by the general laws of god and of the church, or by our particular state of life. Passive faithfulness consists in the loving acceptance of all that God sends us each moment........ Learn what you seem to do not know: In the realm of nature, the god of all goodness has made those things easy which are universal and necessary - breathing, eating, and sleeping. No less essential in the supernatural realm are love and faithfulness............The passive aspect of faithfulness is easier still, since it only consists of accepting what most frequently cannot be avoided, and in bearing with love, consolation and sweetness, what we too often endure with weariness and irritation......All they have to do is to fulfill the simple dutiesof a Christian and of their state of life, and bear with submission the crosses involved, and to accept with faith and love the work and suffering which unsought come endlessly to them through God's own providential designs. This is the spirit by which the Patriarchs and Prophets were moved and sanctified.....
Moving on. Besides all of that,
Today I Finally decided to spend the time and figure out how it is to place that
banner on my blog. For anyone else who is looking for the format to place it on their blog, here is an easy way. click on my banner, save it on your pc, then do like if you are going to write another post for your blog, click 'insert picture', when it is inserted into your blog posting area, view it in 'edit html'(you are not going into your template as yet). when that is done copy and paste it into your template in the place where you want your picture to be. I dont know anything about HTML but i used my common sense to figure out stuff. so if youre getting trouble, use yours.
Salus Credentium.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Another Experience With God
These days God really has been working behind the scenes to govern my life. Let me tell you how i know this. Firstly, things just happen to fit together! Example: Right now i am nearly out of Funds since the beginning of march. This is because of unwise spending, an early pay cheque and an unexpected expense (I got the opportunity to replace my glasses). So my funds are really low and it is now the 14th March and pay is later down in the month. my main concern is passage which is nearly $34 daily.
Guess what god did. He arranged it so that I would be spending approximately $15 daily! He made arrangements so that i can meet people who are kind hearted and generous. Every day in the evening after work, i sometimes get a lift down into the city (save $4) after that, i am getting a drop from the city to my home nearly every day for this week by my priest (save $5 everyday). I "Band my belly" (control appetite) with less and less effort now so that i dont buy $12 lunches everyday. These simple graces i am thankful for
On the spiritual side, my daily association with my priest who is "coaching me", god is putting order into my life. I am praying every single day now because of a grave issue in my family and now my family is praying even more!
Who says there is no god is a LIAR !!! In my individual, personal life. i am seeing god show his love and his goodness.
Guess what god did. He arranged it so that I would be spending approximately $15 daily! He made arrangements so that i can meet people who are kind hearted and generous. Every day in the evening after work, i sometimes get a lift down into the city (save $4) after that, i am getting a drop from the city to my home nearly every day for this week by my priest (save $5 everyday). I "Band my belly" (control appetite) with less and less effort now so that i dont buy $12 lunches everyday. These simple graces i am thankful for
On the spiritual side, my daily association with my priest who is "coaching me", god is putting order into my life. I am praying every single day now because of a grave issue in my family and now my family is praying even more!
Who says there is no god is a LIAR !!! In my individual, personal life. i am seeing god show his love and his goodness.
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Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Protestant Joke
This post I like. It is from another blog 'Veritatis Visio' and it made me chuckle alittle. I like the point which it was making.
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
Friday, March 09, 2007
The Immaculate Conception
Ok. this link is very very long but i promise you it is worthwhile to read. it is about the extreme holiness of the blessed virgin mary, and the thoughts and the will of god when making her. It is all recorded in the book which i am reading right now, and which i am totally absorbed in its writings. the book - The Mystical City of God. by Venerable Mary of Agreda Spain. It was written in the early 17th century. It is an account of the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Chapter VI.
The Immaculate Conception
The Immaculate Conception
But If you choose not to read it i would just like to share this from that chapter :-
As the opportune and preordained time had arrived, the three divine Persons conferred with each other saying: "Now is the time to begin the work of our pleasure and to call into existence that pure Creature and that soul, which is to find grace in our eyes above all the rest. Let Us furnish Her with richest gifts and let Us deposit in Her the great treasures of our grace. Since all others, whom We called into existence, have turned out ungrateful and rebellious to our wishes, frustrating our intention and impeding by their own fault our purpose, namely, that they conserve themselves in the happy state of their first parents, and since it is not proper, that our will should be entirely frustrated, let Us therefore create this being in entire sanctity and perfection, so that the disorder of the first sin shall have no part in Her.
Let Us create a soul according to our pleasure, a fruit of our attributes, a marvel of our infinite power, without touch or blemish of the sin of Adam. Let Us perfect a work which is the object of our Omnipotence and a pattern of the perfection intended for our children, and the finishing crown of creation. All have sinned in the free will and resolve of the first man (Rom. 5, 12); let Her be the sole creature in whom We restore and execute that which they in their aberration have lost. Let Her be a most special image and likeness of our Divinity and let Her be in our presence for all eternity the culmination of our goodwill and pleasure. In Her We deposit all the prerogatives and graces which in our first and conditional resolve We had destined for the angels and men, if they had remained in their first estate. What they have lost We renew in that Creature and We will add to these gifts many others. Thus our first decree shall not be frustrated, but it shall be fulfilled in a higher manner through this our first and chosen One (Cant. 6, 8). And since We assigned and prepared the most perfect and estimable of our gifts for the creatures who have lost them, We will divert the stream of our bounty to our Well-beloved. We will set Her apart from the ordinary law, by which the rest of the mortals are brought into existence, for in Her the seed of the serpent shall have no part. I will descend from heaven into her womb and in it vest Myself from her substance with human nature."
"It is befitting and due to the infinite goodness of our Divinity, that It be founded and enclosed in the most pure matter, untouched and unstained by fault. Nor is it proper that our equity and providence overlook what is most apt, perfect and holy, and choose that which is inferior, since nothing can resist our will (Esther 13, 9). The Word, which is to become man, being the Redeemer and Teacher of men, must lay the foundation of the most perfect law of grace, and must teach through it, that the father and mother are to be obeyed and honored as the secondary causes of the natural existence of man. The law is first to be fulfilled by the divine Word by honoring Her as his chosen Mother, by exalting Her with a powerful arm, and lavishing upon Her the most admirable, most holy and most excellent of all graces and gifts. Among these shall be that most singular honor and blessing of not subjecting Her to our enemy, nor to his malice; and therefore She shall be free from the death of sin."
"Now the time has arrived," added his Majesty, "which was resolved upon by our Providence for bringing to light the Creature most pleasing and acceptable to our eyes. That Creature, in whom the human nature is freed from its first sin, who is to crush the head of the dragon, who was typified by that singular sign, the Woman that appeared in the heavens in our presence, and who is to clothe the eternal Word with human flesh. The hour is at hand, so blessed for mortals, in which the treasures of our Divinity are to be opened and the gates of heaven to be unlocked. Let the rigor of our justice be softened by the chastisements, which we have until now executed upon the mortals; let the attribute of our mercy become manifest; let the creatures be enriched, and let the divine Word merit for them the treasures of grace and of eternal glory."
Words of The Queen
It is an act of justice due to the eternal God that the creature coming to the use of reason, direct its very first movement toward God. By knowing, it should begin to love Him, reverence Him and adore Him as its Creator and only true Lord. The parents are naturally bound to instruct their children from their infancy in this knowledge of God and to direct them with solicitous care, so that they may at once see their ultimate end and seek it in their first acts of the intellect and will. They should with great watchfulness withdraw them from the childishness and puerile trickishness to which depraved nature will incline them if left without direction. If the fathers and mothers would be solicitous to prevent these vanities and perverted habits of their children and would instruct them from their infancy in the knowledge of their God and Creator, then they would afterwards easily accustom them to know and adore Him. My holy mother, who knew not of my wisdom and real condition, was most solicitously beforehand in this matter, for when She bore me in her womb, she adored in my name the Creator and offered worship and thanks for his having created me, beseeching Him to defend me and bring me forth to the light of day from the condition in which I then was. So also parents should pray with fervor to God, that the souls of their children, through his
And if the rational creature has not known and adored the Creator from the first dawn of reason, it should do this as soon as it obtains knowledge of the essential God by the light of faith. From that very moment the soul must exert itself never to lose Him from her sight, always fearing Him, loving Him, and reverencing Him.
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