God Tube video i liked

Bible vs. Mammon very nice. Go Godtube.com

Opposing Forces

How do you keep your Sanity when you what to do something wrong? How when you've reached the egde of right into wrong, health into sickness, you safeguard yourself from something you know will hurt your spirit and chip away at your determination and desire for holiness? Why is that what is not good for us in the long run, appeals to us the most. Why does sin have to feel SOOO good?

The book of Wisdom in the bible tells me that perverse thoughts separate people from god. The saints tell us that lust brings down the soul quicker than the other six deadly sins. And the Virgin Mary at Fatima Portugal tells us that most people go to hell for sins of the flesh than any other sin. Is it this knowledge, trusting in faith and hope and love, that makes me what to resist my temptations also?

What a strain it is for me to keep holding on to these two opposing forces in me. It is beginning to rip me apart to the reaches of madness in my mind. I am afraid of giving myself over to one of these extremes entirely for the fear of not having an opportunity to escape. I have never given myself over entirely to anyone or anything in my life because of Trust, yet, these two forces want me to give myself over to their promptings. To God's way of peace and righteousness, caring for each other in love, or Evil's way of destruction and selfishness. Caring only for self and living without morality and faith like wild animals.

I have chosen informally the way I want to take. But, saying no to self is very very hard. I can't yet give myself over to him who loves me most. BECAUSE of fear. In time, love will prevail. I hope in it. If a man lives, but lives without love, he is dead. I am not dead. His divine love in me will conquer my weaknesses and have me for himself.

May His Holy Spirit Live Forever In The Hearts Of Men.

It is he who makes us keep our sanity when we feel insane. He works so quietly!?

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Changing Perspective

God is Calling. I can recognize him calling me from the actions which is happening to me in my soul. I am growing up so things need to change in my life. I just completed my Aspirancy programme and i still have not made any decision about anything firmly save my determination to be faithful to the littlest things. I am going to adopt a contemplative lifestyle to allow god to do his work but what my priest whats of me I think involves Centering Prayer. And unknown to him, that is something I am against because it is anti-christian though it seems to be christian. So what i am going to do is learn more about this centering prayer and its origins before I confront him and say I am not going to do that method of prayer.

One must learn to forget oneself in order to have oneself. I know this only in my head but I don't live it. So what i am going to do is learn to live it. I am going to come out of the spotlight of everybody else, and myself, scrutinizing me and I am going to let God work in silence like how he does it with the plants; it grows in silence, unknown and unseen. Going to do away with anxiety and fear, what I can and cannot do, and allow the god mend me. Going to stop leading myself because I obviously do not know the way to happiness.

The Calling

I was thinking, "What will capture the heart of a woman?" and immediately I said "Poetry!"

What is there that's better than poetry, to express in words the love for another person? I mean, so much can be said with so little. The symbols of language is really something. Then I said to myself, "What is better than that to express love of god?" I have heard of the high recommendations of people who have studied the insights of Saint John of the Cross on God's Love for the soul, and all his works in the soul in his book, 'The Ascent to Mount Carmel' and 'The Dark Night of the Soul' where he uses poetry to explain this love.

Isn't there a whole book in the bible where god speaks to us in poetry? And in it his beloved is a woman? Oh my, my heart just pulsates when I think of the figurative meaning of words when one speak though poetry! Whoever has that talent is truly blessed. He can shape basic language into exquisite sculptures. So great a marvel is poetry that when sung, it is further glorified and reaches the soul. Though it is sufficient enough to reach that place alone.

Well I have a piece of poetry that I would share that was truly inspired by my love for god, and god's love for me.

The Calling

In stillness, I sit among wonders of creation,
On a bank so moist with tropical grasses
Savoring the one who is closest to me.

I look to the sky and wonder at thy beauty,
Contemplating twas the same hand that shaped me.
I close my eyes and look within, my soul's beloved I want to pin
I am restless with love in the darkness I see.
Why doest thou love do this to me?

This silence of words so sweet it be
A shadow of substance, overpowering me.
I open my eyes only veiled thing I see,
What must it be, to be totally free!

I am the beloved of my beloved
Then I hear a whisper of yearning
"It is you I want, be with me"
I am now dead to the earth and sky
My answer takes alot from me.

Our Interest, The Devil's Intrested.

Just a little something I found on the Net. Really funny, yet not funny in reality

My Discussion

My day started off badly as a result of an argument I had yesterday. For yet another time I got into an argument concerning religion. The topics, Hell and the Saints. What got me so upset? - I fumbled when answering the questions. I could explain myself. First discussion was about the Saints. I believe in the Saints. That is unquestionable. But to explain that to a Protestant, who believes in the Bible Alone philosophy and not both Scripture and Teachings from the Holy Spirit (Tradition), is difficult. To top that off I don't know my scripture word for word, verse for verse.

Her defense was the usual with protestants - Go to god and god alone, When people are dead you can't pray to/ask them for help even if they are in heaven, Because Jesus in the only mediator you go to him etc.

They don't understand that nothing separates us from the love of God, not even death. That we are one family of god and when you love, you show love by doing good for others. Their prayer is more effective than our own because of their intermacy. They no longer need to believe because they see face to face the glory of god. Now when I am sick, I call a doctor. It is god who sends the doctor as he sends angels to do his works. Can I not ask the doctor for help? Should I humiliate him by saying you cannot help me though god sent you?

God works through others. No less so when in Heaven. Their prayer is more effective and more powerful than our own because their relationship!

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Love or Lust?

When you see your honey, it's Puppy Love

Is It Love or Lust? Brought to you by Tickle

I took this test and My result was "Puppy Love". I was kind of concerned about my relationship with a good good friend of mine, but we were not in any relationship outside that of friendship, but we're very close. So I was kind of concerned that though I love this person, I may really be trying to lie to myself and say it was love alone and not lust. I wanted to know which side was leaning heavier in me. And what the results were true. This is what it read -

Don't look now, but you just might be in love. It's hard to tell for sure — you've got an awful lot of lustful thoughts whirling around in your brain — but we think hearts and poems are part of the agenda, too. Sure, you're pretty much ready to jump your honey any time of day or night, but you wouldn't bother sticking around if you didn't think there was some kind of potential there.

You want it all — passion, excitement, tenderness, and a best friend to boot. We applaud you. There's nothing better than the perfect mix of lust and love. The former jumpstarts a relationship and helps keep it fresh and fun, and the latter means there's something left after the "right here, right now" phase passes. So get your kicks while you can, but hold on for the long run!

In life you can make your own decisions or let other people make those decisions for you. Being Above The Influence is about staying true to yourself, and not letting people pressure you into being less than you. So be yourself. Or be something less. It's your call.

Thank You Father For Relief

O How good is the lord towards me. I hid my face from him saying I will no longer look upon his face to see his love and beauty, to even find happiness, and it was he who took me into his hands, pursued me till my love for him was found again. "I thought I had toiled in vain, and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength. Yet my reward is with the LORD, my recompense was with my God." I grew tired of carrying my sins and imperfections so enormous; he saw my distress and he came to my help. He was with me as I seeked to save my soul from damnation. I was Justified as being righteous and blameless in the sight of god through the Sacraments of the Church. I have received my living water which quenches my thirst!

I must give thanks to god for today, yesterday and Saturday. During these days, I was shown Mercy confirming that truly I cannot leave the love of God even if I try. Life is Better and more meaningful with him.

While feeling down because of my distress, I made the effort again to look to god for a remedy. Feeling embarassed at myself, I trusted god's generosity of mercy and presented my failings to him. On friday wanting to make peace with god I arranged to do some charity work on Saturday. This was me yielding to god, giving God the opportunity to speak to me as I do his work through our soup Kitchen ministry. 12 good deeds/blessings came as a result of my decision to serve in love. To god be the glory.

I received food for my journey plagued with the heat of the sun and a barren desert. My feet are scorched but god provided a time of soothing relief. He lead me beside the still waters and restored my soul. I can at last continue patiently and perseveringly bear my cross.

Keeping secrets

Simon of Cyrene always helps me carry my cross. Yesterday, I had a talk with my priest. Not surprisingly I told him the state of my soul even though I didn't want to tell him. I realize what St. Therese was saying about keeping secrets and trying to work out problems on your own is a trap of Satan. We all have problems and when we keep it to ourselves it grows like a seed hidden in the earth. Lets not keep things from our confessors. We should listen to Saint James when he saids "Confess your sins to one another"

Fallen Away, Hiding and Seeking

Gravity pulls and quickly I fall by the wayside. I have hidden my face from god for this time of struggle, hoping that his love for me will blind me, pulling me out of the depths of sin. I have altered my stance in life that now I have stopped searching and have begun to run in the opposite direction. Not searching, only observing. I am trying to rid myself from the grip of fear; mainly the fear of oneself. I have not abandoned god, instead, I put myself in a position that I no longer try to be saved so that god, if he loves me, would act. My yearning for god have reached the point of Insanity. I search elsewhere for it. How dare I do such a thing as walk away from god and dare him to love me?!

I blame the spirit of Lust for pushing me so low. I blame myself for allowing him to do so. I ask god to save me from that stain of sin which makes me desire evil things over good things. I tell myself, If god loves me, he will save me. I have searched everywhere. I have found him yes but I want more of him, and because I can't cross that boundary of Intermacy I go nuts. I KNOW God exist and that he is all love. Well I want that love that satisfies all, and it drives me insane that I don't have it.

My struggle these past four days is a paradoxial struggle. Its like I love god so much that I let him go, and if he comes back then I will live with him forever. I only do this because I have confidence in his love for me. If he doesn't, then I'll pray to die. How can Life be lived without the all substancial love of God. I'll die if I do not know the REAL love of god for me. I prefer death compared to not having his love. I know he love me but I want him to let me experience it in a REAL way. It just drives me insane! I've Tripped!

Human Passions

My skin is hot and burning with passion right now. I cannot think straight without thinking about sex. These thoughts and feelings of mine betray my character because in the eyes of the beholder, Matthew cannot be thinking about these things so often and passionately. I mean if someone for one day has the grace or curse to be in my shoes for a while say one week, they might just go crazy.

I know the root of my distress - I want the best of both worlds. The world of the flesh and the world of the Spirit. It is very interesting how emotions effect an overriding of reason and right judgment in the human person. There is an even greater urge and stronghold for Lust when a person's spirit "Matches" or has a liking for such activity. Sometimes for these kinds of people it is extremely difficult to say no as compared to persons whose main liking is not Lust but maybe greed or anger. For them it is easier to say no for they have stronger wills in these areas.

My being has this weakness for lustful thoughts. And for persons who suffer from the same temptations as myself, they will understand what i mean when I say that I get into my thoughts.They play over and over again. In these moments, resisting makes the passions stronger. Everything touched or seen or heard is turned into a fantasy. Sin. What a Thing!

Now I am in this position because I have failed to obey instruction. I got myself into this mess (though these thought have not yet led me to sinful action) because was told to cast the object(someone) that causes me to sin aside but I am so very attached emotionally. I am doing the detachment but it takes longer for me than the appointed time that has already past. So I am still attached.

This morning I woke up with a dream of me flirting and kissing a person. Petting and exploring their limits into my kind of sin. Luring them in by my caresses. The previous day I indulged myself into the thoughts and sinned twice. This caused these desires. Do know what the root of these forbidden passions were? - my persistence in disobedience complimented with the cloak of secrecy.

What is the lesson here fellow Christian - Be Vigilant, Obey your Spiritual director and avoid the occasion of sin at all cost, namely by prayer.

Saint Anthony, on your holy feast day, may we as Christians imitate your way of preserving yourself from the most minute sin, in order to be one with Christ. Salus Credentium.

Spirituality of Living in God

Today while travelling to work I said to myself, - you know Matthew, God is fading away as the main person in my life. The one which engulfs my every thought and desire. Cause in my thoughts there is mainly one person and its not him the lover for the beloved. These days I am more occupied with the love of human beings. This, love that will not last nor satisfy my craving for love - the main characteristic of manhood. So I said. Give God his due now. Don't call that person now and prayer your morning prayer which you put aside Matthew to talk to this person and pray that now. At least.

So I did; and on my second journey to work still began to read the next chapter of my "Spiritual Reading" From the Book, The Joy of Full Surrender, praying that this would be an aid to my examination of conscience. I would like to share this, for it watered the seeds of faith, hope and love in me.

Chapter 1
When The Soul Lives in God

There is a time when the soul lives in god and a time when God lives in the soul. What is appropriate to one of these times is not fitting to the other.

When the soul lives in God, it must take trouble to obtain for itself regularly and carefully every possible means to achieve union with him. The whole procedure is marked out - the readings, the examination of conscience, the resolutions. Its guide is always present, everything is by rule, even the hours for conversation.

When God lives in the soul, it has nothing left of self, but only that which the Spirit imparts to it moment by moment. Nothing is provided for the future, no road is mapped out, but the soul is like a child who can be led wherever one pleases, and has nothing but feeling to distinguish between what is offered to it. No more books with marked passages for these souls; often they are even deprived of a regular spiritual director, for God allows them no other support than himself. They dwell in darkness, forgotten and deserted, in death and nothingness. They suffer distresses and miseries without knowing where to find relief. Keeping their eyes toward Heaven alone, they wait peacefully and without fear for help to come. And God, who seeks no purer disposition in His loved ones than this entire surrender of self-interest in order to live by grace and divine operation alone, provides them with the necessary books, thoughts, self-understanding, advice and wise counsel. Everything that others discover by diligent searching these souls find in self-surrender. What others store up with care so they can find it again, these souls receive the very moment there is need of it, and afterwards the relinquish it again, taking only what God is willing to give, in order to live through Him alone.

Others undertake an infinity of good works for the glory of God, but these souls are often cast aside in a corner of the world like bits of broken crockery, apparently of no use to anyone. There these souls, forsaken by men but enjoying God with a very real,, true and passionate, though deeply tranquil love, attempt nothing by their own impulse. They know only that they must surrender themselves and remain in god's hands to be used by Him as He pleases. Often they do not know of what use they might be, but God knows well. The world considers them of no account, but it is nonetheless true that in mysterious ways and through hidden channels these souls spread abroad an infinite amount of grace on persons who often are unaware of them, people of whom these souls may themselves be unaware.

In these surrendered souls everything effectively preaches the Good News of the gospel. God gives their silence, their quiet, their self-forgetfulness, their words and their gestures a certain virtue, which, unknown to themselves, works in the hearts of those around them; and, just as they are guided by the random actions of innumerable creatures that are unknowingly influenced by grace, they themselves, in their turn, are used to support and guide others without any direct acquaintance with them or knowledge that this is what they are doing.

It is God who works in them in unforeseen and often unknown impulses. In this way they are like Jesus, from whom went out a secret virtue for the healing of others. There is this difference between Him and them: often they are not conscious of the outflow of this virtue and contribute nothign by way of co-operation. It is like a hidden balm which men perceive without recognizing, and which is itself unaware of its own healing virtue

My Miracle on the Job

Oh what a day! Its been a while since i blogged but today made me want to write.

I challenged the authority of my boss' position on a matter that could cost me my job. And boy was I scared at first. I entreated the lord and he answered in my favour but I still have to face the lurking wrath of the wounded beast. Here's the story -



Job and Church clashed for the first time. And it was ugly. My weekends are committed to Christ and personal development and my normal working hours are Monday - Friday. This Saturday coming, the 2nd June, I needed to be at The office because of exams since my boss was out of the country for ten days. I didn't think that it would have been a problem to compromise the first half of this weekend's agenda with my job's agenda and I was informed yesterday that I was wrong. I had to make the choice between my commitment to my job or the commitment to the Aspirancy programme. If i chose one over the other, the threat was that the other would suffer. I would lose my job or not complete the programme.



upon telling my boss this morning since i only knew that it was a problem yesterday, she issued the treat of serious disciplinary action as stated. This made me cry agonizingly. It all boiled down to the question where do your priorities lie and choose such? And to call my boss in barbados and inform her of my weighty decision.



I locked the office door for ten minutes and prayed the Chaplet of Tears with my own added tears before I looked to engage my next move - to overrule my boss by going directly to the Executive director. To make a long story short, I was successful in my plea. upon hearing of this my boss became even more upset and promises to discipline me when she returns, but I am not worried. God worked it all out in my favour thus far and the word was final. I can't lose my job over an incident which could be avoided easily.



The lesson - Put your trust in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, Our god of Providence and His plans for you will come through. Nothing is impossible with god! Hope also on the power of intersession from the Mary Most Holy and God will hastily answer.

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Talent Show Lesson

Today, I sung Josh Groban's 'Remember When it rained' For a Talent Show. Boy was i nervous. And that song I couldn't imitate moves because the song naturally has no movements to it. I found the strength to sing in front of an audience. Something i don't usually do. I nearly always dislike publicity. Yet I thank god that everything came through. Not exactly as I wanted because I was nervous, Yet I didn't 'Buss' as we say in Trinidad.

When preparing to come on stage, i recalled how as Christians we are the ones to be under scrutiny because of our life of Holiness. And how often we end up in the public eyes. I also pondered the challenge for a man to stand up for the truth and win the people's favour and reasoning. This must be an arduous thing

Why Full Surrender? - Chap. 12, Finding The Will of God

If we are able to greet each passing moment as themanifestation of the will of God, we will find in it all our heart can desire. What could there be more reasonable, more perfect, more divine than the will God? could any change of time or place or ccircumstance alter or increase its infinite value? If you possess the secret of discovering it at every moment and in everything, then you possess all that is most precious and worthy to be disired. What is iit that you seek, you who desire to become holy? Give full scope to your longings. Your wishes need have no measure, no limit. However much you may desire, I can show you how to attain it, even though it be infinite. There is never a moment i which I cannot enable you to obtain al lthat you can desire.

The Present moment is always filled with infinite treasure. It contains more than you have the capacity to hold. Faith is the measure of these treasures; according to your faith you will receive. The will of God is constantly before you like an immense, inexhaustible ocean that no human heart can fathom; but none can receive from it more than he has the capacity to contain. It is necessary to enlarge this capacity by faith, confidence and love.

The whole universe cannot fill the human heart, for its capacity is greater than anything other than God. It is on a highter plane than the material creation, andfor this reason nothing material can satisfy it. The divine will is a deep sea, the surface of which is the present moment. If you plunge into this sea you will find it infinitely more vast than your desires. Offer no homage to creatures;do not adore your own illusions. They can neither give you anything nor deprive you of anything. Receive your fullness from the will of God alone, and it will not leave you empty. Adore it, put it first, before all things. Tear all disguises from vain pretenses and forsake them all going straight to the sole realityy. The reign of faith is death to the senses; it is their spooilation, their destruction. The senses worship the physical. Faith adores God's divine will. Destroy the idols of the senses and they will weep andn rebel, but faith must triumph, becasue the will of God cannot be separated from it. When the senses are terrified, famished, despoiled or crushed, then it is that faith is enriched and nourished. Faith laughs at these calamities as the commander of an impregnable fortress mocks at the useless attacks of an impotent foe.

When we recognize the will of God and surrender entirely to it, then God gives Himself to us and we experience the most powerful assistance in all difficulties. Thus we enjoy great happiness in this comin gof God, and the more we learn to surrender ourselves to His all adorable will at every moment, the more joy we have.

-

Jean~Pierre de Caussade,
The Joy of Full Surrender
revised translation by Hal M. Helms

Missionaries

"Missionaries plant seeds of love that help countless hearts to grow."

- Now doesn't this remind us of the WHOLE life of Blessed Mother Theresa?

Christ has no hands but yours

Christ has no body but yours,

No hands, no feet on earth but yours.

Yours are the eyes through which he looks,

Compassion on this world.

Yours are the feet with which He walks to do good.

yours are the hands whith which He blesses all the world.

Yours are the hands

Yours are the feet

Yours are the eyes

you are His body.

Christ has no body

now but yours,

No hands, no feet on earth but yours.

Yours are the eyes

through which He looks,

Compassion on this world.

Yours are the feet whith which

He walks to do good.

Christ has no body

now on earth but yours.

- Saint Theresa of Avila

What a Funny thing! I didn't realize that Saint Theresa wrote this and I was Firstly reminded of Another Theresa, Mother Theresa.

The psalm that speaks to my soul

From the Instruction of my priest, I have to obey and pray my morning prayer for at least twenty minutes before I begin my day. Today It began with a rough start. I prayed it. But on my way to work. It therefore took the usual place of my rosary time. In our Morning and Evening Prayer Book which the Catholic Church gives us for each day of the week and church seasons of the year, Today's Liturgy captivated my attention. For the lenght of the day I carried this scripture in my mind and heart pondering it there like Mary for the rest of the day. Consciously or Sub-Consciously. This scripture - Why are you cast down, my soul, why groan within me? Hope in God; I will praise him still, my saviour and my God - Spoke to me. I guess the Psalm was telling me persevere and be full of cheer. Purifying my soul is a cross that must be carried, so keep at it Matthew.

Psalm 41

Like the deer that yearns

for running streams,

so my sou is yearning

for you my God.

My soul s thirsting for God,

the god of my life;

when can I enter and see

the face of God?

My tears have become my bread,

by night, by day,

as I hear it said all the day long:

'Where is your God?'

These things will I remember

as I pour out my soul:

how I would lead the rejoicing crowd

into the house of the God,

amid cries of gladness and thanksgiving,

the throng wild with joy.

Why are you cast down, my soul,

why groan within me?

Hope in God; I will praise him still,

my saviour and my God.

My soul is cast down within me

as I think of you,

from the country of Jordan and Mount Hermon,

from the Hill of Mizar.

Deep is calling on deep,

in the roar of waters:

your torrents and all your waves

swept over me.

By day the Lord will send

his loving kindness;

by night I will sing to him,

praise the god of my life.

I will say to god, my rock:

'Why have you forgotten me:

Why do I go mourning

oppressed by the foe?'

With cries that pierce me to the heart,

my enemies revile me,

saying to me all the day long:

'Where is your God?'

Why are you cast down, my soul,

why groan within me?

Hope in god; I will praise him still,

My saviour and my God.

good things

Very busy week. Good things are happening like crazy. I am now Stable at my job. I remember more clearly and I am in a better position in my spiritual life. In my last post, I wanted to write down something from this book I am reading as a spiritual reading for the year - Why full surrender - It caught my attention when I read it some days ago and I needed to share it with you but I purposely forgot because I was packing for my second aspirancy weekend. I actually came to work with One BIG bag of clothes. thank god no one saw. lol. going to enjoy this life in the spirit. Namely the spirit of obedience over the weekend.

Internet

This Internet access is just fueling temptation for a man overcoming a porn addiction! Alas I am not lost, for St. Anthony helps to strenghten me.

1. An Update. 2. Original Pain Therapy

Today I see the counselor. In my eyes I am pretty ok now, after relaxing myself over the weekend, and hand another important chat with my priest. Though I feel this way, I could still like to use some advice from a psychologist's perspective. I thank Saint Anthony for his prayers and his presence today, since it was yesterday that I completed my Novena. I have indeed become stronger and more stable in my spiritual life and in my workplace. As I write this post, I feel like watching pornography because of a lustful advertisement and some blogs which I browsed. I am feeling the heat of the sin but I am not venturing into the fire. This strength of resisting temptation is improved but I still feel that I need help.

I am glad that I am getting over those two months of frustration and anxiety over myself because it was not a nice feeling. Over weekend again, In the Aspirancy Programme for discerning my vocation, the group of us ventured into Original Pain Therapy. This is a special therapy that deals with childhood pains from the womb till the age of 12 (the end of childhood). I can't wait to do the next session because we started to venture into ourselves. I recommend this to every person. Everybody has issues in their lives that has its roots in childhood like myself that needs to be soughted out to free the adult.