Searching for God and Self

My soul feeds off of today's word which the church so wisely designates for us. Today for me is a continuation of my struggles to know myself and to conform my will and live for god.

This particular sin of mine has burdened me to the point of me just screaming. I feel like not crying out for help to god or to any man because I constantly allow myself to fall. I feel like i can't help myself because I continually seek after what is wrong and malign in my thoughts. I am saddened by this greatly though i am without despair. Anxiety finally takes hold of me. What crushes me mostly is the fact that i don't care as much as i had done before. That I am desensitized to evil and wrong doing, and i have little remorse for sin. I am losing uprightness because of the absences of grace and fear of the lord. my weaknesses and lackings makes itself known. And as a man I dislike being weak and lacking.

My day began with this wrong doing. For me, when I do not give my first hour to god, It is like an offense. I was trying to, for this lent, begin my day with god. I wondered to myself: should i call on god's help? God's mercy?

While travelling to work, I didn't even pray my rosary as usual but began to think. my physical outlook was sad. "I will go to my mother" I said, and i took out the Marian book i had and read this -

Mediatrix of Graces

"Beloved children, I am the Mediatrix of graces. grace is the very life of god which is communicated to you. it springs from the bosom of the father and is merited for you by the word who in my virginal womb, became man to share with you that same divine life, and for this he offered himself as a ransom for you, becoming thus the one and only mediator between god and all humanity.

From the bosom of the father, grace, in order to reach you must therefore pass through the divine heart of the Son, who communicates it to you in his Spirit of love. Just as a ray of light, which passes through a window, assumes its shape, color and design, so too divine grace, merited by Jesus, can come to you only through Him and it is for this reason that it reproduces in you his own image, the very same image which shapes you ever more and more to his own person.

Divine life can reach you only in the form of Jesus, and the more this increases in you, the more you are assimilated to Him, in such a way that you can really grow as his little brothers.

By means of grace, the Father communicates himself to you ever more and more, the Son assimilates you, the Holy Spirit transforms you, bringing about a relationship of life with the Most Holy Trinity, which becomes ever increasingly strong and active. Within souls who are in grace, it is the Most Holy Trinity itself which takes up its dwelling place there.

This Life of grace has also a relationship with your heavenly Mother. As i am truly the Mother of Jesus and your Mother, my mediation is exercised between you and my Son Jesus. This is the natural consequence of my divine motherhood. As the Mother of Jesus, I am the means chosen by God by which my Son can reach you. IN my virginal womb this first act of mediation of mine is carried out. As your Mother, I was the means chosen by Jesus that through me all of you may reach Him.

I am truly the mediatrix of grace between you and my Son Jesus. My task is that of distributing to my little children that grace which flows out from the bosom of the Father, is merited for you by the Son and is given to you by the Holy Spirit. My task is that of distributing it to all my children, according to the particular needs of each one, which the Mother is very good at knowing. I am ever carrying out this duty of mine. However I can carry it out fully only in the case of those children who entrust themselves to me with perfect abandonment. I am above all able to carry it out in respect to you, my favorite sons who, by your consecration, have entrusted yourselves completely to me.

I am the way which leads you to Jesus. I am the safest and shortest way, the necessary way for each one of you. If you refuse to go along this way, you run the danger of being lost in the course of your journey. Today many have wished to put me aside, considering me an obstacle in reaching Jesus, because they have not understood my function as mediatrix between you and my Son. And so, never before as in these present times, are so many of my children running the risk of not being able to reach Him. The Jesus whom they meet is often only the result of their human research, and corresponds to their aspirations and desires; He is a Jesus formed according to their measure: he is not Jesus, the Christ, the true Son of God and of your Immaculate Mother.

Entrust yourselves to me with confidence and you will remain faithful, because I will be able to carry out fully my work as mediatrix of graces. I will take you each day along the way of my Son, in such a way that He may increase in you to his fullness.
This is my great Work, which I am still carrying out in silence and in the desert. Under my powerful action as mediatrix of graces, you are ever more transformed into Christ, that you may become fit for the task which awaits you. Forward then, with courage, along the way traced out by your heavenly Mother"

With yet still a downcast appearance, I pondered on these words and won some hope and strength to continue. When I came to work now, I read the reading for the day and I ATE that Gospel up. I CONSUMED him who was the word. because Jesus was questioned about himself and in god he found himself. That is what i want. I do not know exactly how this word affects me but i feel like I gained some peace and grace to carry on.

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Allah's Wicked, Warlike and Pretensive Children

This is an article i found on Agnus daily and would like to get some feedback. Is this true? If it is, then the pope was right to quote the Byzantine emperor -

“Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.”


"Muslims train special forces ninjas in response to Catholic aggression

In response to Catholic aggression and proselytizing, Muslim countries have begun to train ninja-like special forces units that are designed to inhibit the spread of Christianity. The units are to be strategically placed throughout Europe, and will be used to secretly collect information on local Churches and Church officials that seek to promote Christian moral values, and theology. Muslim leaders admit that there are only a handful of Churches in Europe that these units will be assigned to, but it is seen as a necessary pre-emptive measure in order to maintain the stable growth of Islam.

Posted March 25, 2007@12:01 by Dean Soto"

What is this Catholic Aggression and Proselytizing they are talking about. All the Church has done is respect their religion and show truth through Faith and Reasoning. not through violence.

If this is True then the Emperor of Old and the Modern Pope was Accurate in their Observations and Judgements!

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My Annuncation Day

for the past two days my eye have been jumping. and we have a saying in my country that when the right eye jumps, you will see someone you haven't seen in a very long time. when your left eye jumps, you are going to hear some bad news. And almost everytime it is true. Yesterday I got up with my eye jumping and i was wondering, who was i going to see?

Yesterday was the feast of the Annuncation and I must say that i spent it reverently as i could. God permitted that I start the day with Adoration in my Church, Something that i haven't done in quite along time, and there I praised God for his gift of mercy to mankind (Blessed Virgin Mary) and offered my day to him permitting whatever he wills to happen to me, may happen to me. later on in the day i attended church half way through the mass. I was thankful but didn't receive communion. I also was tempted to fall into a certain weakness but i was able to resist. But i felt the 'heat of the flames' (the temptation)

So many people do not know the importance of this day.....to their loss. So many graces to behold, so much love shown. If only i could imitate the love of her, who loved god most while on earth, and who loves her most intermittly in heaven! oh would that be a joy. To be totally under the divine providence of god. My prayer is that I may know and understand the full dept of this Mystery of God and Mary in the Incarnation of the Word of God.

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My Burden of Sin. My Hope in God.

Do you hate when you cause yourself to sin? That is me. For the pass two days I have allowed myself to fall into the occassions of sin. I hate when i do that. When I choose to disobey god and destroy myself in the process. Its like this. We are told not to smoke because it's unhealty for you and kills you faster. I causes you pain and suffering and it destroys inside of you...BUT YET you ignore that fact and continue because it feels good! And that the problem with sin. It feels good, and it is only after we have committed the sin that we feel guilty, and its only later on in life we wonder why such and such a thing is happening to us.

Sometimes I wonder, "why do I even bother to try and get better? Every time i try to i end up doing the same shit again!" The answer is really simple, and i have learnt it. Unless you decide for Goodness/Righteousness, you will never be happy. You must always keep trying. And that's the plain truth. God did not make us to suffer, we chose that for ourselves, but we have to suffer because it makes us happy people in the long run. Virtue I learnt is acquired through habit. A person who complains is never happy. A person who is a peace is.

We have to suffer because it is the means for our salvation.

Another answer to this question because God has promised Mankind (me) that if you live the life of the Gospel, and Trust in His mercy, How can he as a Father not forgive me and help. He said he will restore mankind (me) to his former glory (The Mystical City of God book), He said that he awards the effort more than the achievement (Diary of St. Faustina). So that gives me courage to continue. Guilt is good because it let you be aware of you sins and repent for them. Yes he is Just but he favours mercy. Being just if you look at it carefully is really an act of Mercy. Thats why there is a Saving Justice.

St. Joseph, St. Imelda

Today on the Solemnity of St. Joseph, my attention turns to Blessed Imelda Lambertini. Hey, this was not my choice. I'm alreadying feeling bad that i have not don't anything to honour him today. Maybe later i will say pray and honour him in a special way. Anyhow, my attention turns to Blessed Imelda because I need to find her story. There is so may versions of the story online but just not the one i am accustomed to hearing. She is another example of purity of soul and love for our lord in the Eucharist. I so happened that my teacher is converting to catholicism and she needs a patron saint and i suggested a few that i have a relationship with - St. Faustina, St. Theresa of Avila, St. Philomena.....as i said st. Philomena I remembered St. Imelda.

I first came to know about St. Imelda by Reading her story in a book "Incorruptibles" A book i hope I purchase one day.

Wisdom Sharing

Today was designated by the Archdiocese of Port of Spain as the day for Prayer, Fasting and Alms giving. and i must confess that i have not done this to any significant degree. What i have done was used my work as my prayer.

Instead of complaining, i offered this thing that i didn't want to do for god's own sake. This is the way to holiness according to the famous writer of the book "The Joy of Full Surrender" by Rev. Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade. He says :-

In Truth, Holiness consist of one single thing: faithfulness to the will of God. Now this faithfulness is within the reach of all, whether it calls for active or passive practice of our faith.

Active faithfulness means fulfilling the duties which are ours by the general laws of god and of the church, or by our particular state of life. Passive faithfulness consists in the loving acceptance of all that God sends us each moment........ Learn what you seem to do not know: In the realm of nature, the god of all goodness has made those things easy which are universal and necessary - breathing, eating, and sleeping. No less essential in the supernatural realm are love and faithfulness............The passive aspect of faithfulness is easier still, since it only consists of accepting what most frequently cannot be avoided, and in bearing with love, consolation and sweetness, what we too often endure with weariness and irritation......All they have to do is to fulfill the simple dutiesof a Christian and of their state of life, and bear with submission the crosses involved, and to accept with faith and love the work and suffering which unsought come endlessly to them through God's own providential designs. This is the spirit by which the Patriarchs and Prophets were moved and sanctified.....

Moving on. Besides all of that,

Today I Finally decided to spend the time and figure out how it is to place that



banner on my blog. For anyone else who is looking for the format to place it on their blog, here is an easy way. click on my banner, save it on your pc, then do like if you are going to write another post for your blog, click 'insert picture', when it is inserted into your blog posting area, view it in 'edit html'(you are not going into your template as yet). when that is done copy and paste it into your template in the place where you want your picture to be. I dont know anything about HTML but i used my common sense to figure out stuff. so if youre getting trouble, use yours.

Salus Credentium.

Another Experience With God

These days God really has been working behind the scenes to govern my life. Let me tell you how i know this. Firstly, things just happen to fit together! Example: Right now i am nearly out of Funds since the beginning of march. This is because of unwise spending, an early pay cheque and an unexpected expense (I got the opportunity to replace my glasses). So my funds are really low and it is now the 14th March and pay is later down in the month. my main concern is passage which is nearly $34 daily.

Guess what god did. He arranged it so that I would be spending approximately $15 daily! He made arrangements so that i can meet people who are kind hearted and generous. Every day in the evening after work, i sometimes get a lift down into the city (save $4) after that, i am getting a drop from the city to my home nearly every day for this week by my priest (save $5 everyday). I "Band my belly" (control appetite) with less and less effort now so that i dont buy $12 lunches everyday. These simple graces i am thankful for

On the spiritual side, my daily association with my priest who is "coaching me", god is putting order into my life. I am praying every single day now because of a grave issue in my family and now my family is praying even more!

Who says there is no god is a LIAR !!! In my individual, personal life. i am seeing god show his love and his goodness.

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Protestant Joke

This post I like. It is from another blog 'Veritatis Visio' and it made me chuckle alittle. I like the point which it was making.

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"

"Religious."

"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

The Immaculate Conception

Ok. this link is very very long but i promise you it is worthwhile to read. it is about the extreme holiness of the blessed virgin mary, and the thoughts and the will of god when making her. It is all recorded in the book which i am reading right now, and which i am totally absorbed in its writings. the book - The Mystical City of God. by Venerable Mary of Agreda Spain. It was written in the early 17th century. It is an account of the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Chapter VI.
The Immaculate Conception

But If you choose not to read it i would just like to share this from that chapter :-

As the opportune and preordained time had arrived, the three divine Persons conferred with each other saying: "Now is the time to begin the work of our pleasure and to call into existence that pure Creature and that soul, which is to find grace in our eyes above all the rest. Let Us furnish Her with richest gifts and let Us deposit in Her the great treasures of our grace. Since all others, whom We called into existence, have turned out ungrateful and rebellious to our wishes, frustrating our intention and impeding by their own fault our purpose, namely, that they conserve themselves in the happy state of their first parents, and since it is not proper, that our will should be entirely frustrated, let Us therefore create this being in entire sanctity and perfection, so that the disorder of the first sin shall have no part in Her.

Let Us create a soul according to our pleasure, a fruit of our attributes, a marvel of our infinite power, without touch or blemish of the sin of Adam. Let Us perfect a work which is the object of our Omnipotence and a pattern of the perfection intended for our children, and the finishing crown of creation. All have sinned in the free will and resolve of the first man (Rom. 5, 12); let Her be the sole creature in whom We restore and execute that which they in their aberration have lost. Let Her be a most special image and likeness of our Divinity and let Her be in our presence for all eternity the culmination of our goodwill and pleasure. In Her We deposit all the prerogatives and graces which in our first and conditional resolve We had destined for the angels and men, if they had remained in their first estate. What they have lost We renew in that Creature and We will add to these gifts many others. Thus our first decree shall not be frustrated, but it shall be fulfilled in a higher manner through this our first and chosen One (Cant. 6, 8). And since We assigned and prepared the most perfect and estimable of our gifts for the creatures who have lost them, We will divert the stream of our bounty to our Well-beloved. We will set Her apart from the ordinary law, by which the rest of the mortals are brought into existence, for in Her the seed of the serpent shall have no part. I will descend from heaven into her womb and in it vest Myself from her substance with human nature."

"It is befitting and due to the infinite goodness of our Divinity, that It be founded and enclosed in the most pure matter, untouched and unstained by fault. Nor is it proper that our equity and providence overlook what is most apt, perfect and holy, and choose that which is inferior, since nothing can resist our will (Esther 13, 9). The Word, which is to become man, being the Redeemer and Teacher of men, must lay the foundation of the most perfect law of grace, and must teach through it, that the father and mother are to be obeyed and honored as the secondary causes of the natural existence of man. The law is first to be fulfilled by the divine Word by honoring Her as his chosen Mother, by exalting Her with a powerful arm, and lavishing upon Her the most admirable, most holy and most excellent of all graces and gifts. Among these shall be that most singular honor and blessing of not subjecting Her to our enemy, nor to his malice; and therefore She shall be free from the death of sin."

"Now the time has arrived," added his Majesty, "which was resolved upon by our Providence for bringing to light the Creature most pleasing and acceptable to our eyes. That Creature, in whom the human nature is freed from its first sin, who is to crush the head of the dragon, who was typified by that singular sign, the Woman that appeared in the heavens in our presence, and who is to clothe the eternal Word with human flesh. The hour is at hand, so blessed for mortals, in which the treasures of our Divinity are to be opened and the gates of heaven to be unlocked. Let the rigor of our justice be softened by the chastisements, which we have until now executed upon the mortals; let the attribute of our mercy become manifest; let the creatures be enriched, and let the divine Word merit for them the treasures of grace and of eternal glory."

The other virtues which adorn and perfect the rational part of the creature, She possessed in a proportion corresponding to the theological virtues. The moral and natural virtues were hers in a miraculous and supernatural measure, and in a still more exalted manner was She possessed of the gifts and fruits of the Holy Ghost in the order of grace. She had an infused knowledge and habit of all these virtues and of all the natural arts, so that She knew and was conversant with the whole natural and supernatural order of things, in accordance with the grandeur of God. Hence from her first instant in the womb of her mother, She was wiser, more prudent, more enlightened, and more capable of comprehending God and all his works, than all the creatures have been or ever will be in eternity, excepting of course her most holy Son.

Words of The Queen

It is an act of justice due to the eternal God that the creature coming to the use of reason, direct its very first movement toward God. By knowing, it should begin to love Him, reverence Him and adore Him as its Creator and only true Lord. The parents are naturally bound to instruct their children from their infancy in this knowledge of God and to direct them with solicitous care, so that they may at once see their ultimate end and seek it in their first acts of the intellect and will. They should with great watchfulness withdraw them from the childishness and puerile trickishness to which depraved nature will incline them if left without direction. If the fathers and mothers would be solicitous to prevent these vanities and perverted habits of their children and would instruct them from their infancy in the knowledge of their God and Creator, then they would afterwards easily accustom them to know and adore Him. My holy mother, who knew not of my wisdom and real condition, was most solicitously beforehand in this matter, for when She bore me in her womb, she adored in my name the Creator and offered worship and thanks for his having created me, beseeching Him to defend me and bring me forth to the light of day from the condition in which I then was. So also parents should pray with fervor to God, that the souls of their children, through his Providence, may obtain Baptism and be freed from the servitude of original sin.

And if the rational creature has not known and adored the Creator from the first dawn of reason, it should do this as soon as it obtains knowledge of the essential God by the light of faith. From that very moment the soul must exert itself never to lose Him from her sight, always fearing Him, loving Him, and reverencing Him.

The Rich Man

These days, because of the encouragement lent brings to do something good, I Try to read my scripture everyday followed by a meditation of that scripture. For a Time that didnt work because everytime i said that i was going to look for it online, i ended up doing something else. so this is what i did. I know that Presentation Ministries gave very good meditations on the readings for the day so i subscribed to their 'One Bread One Body' email day word. And Today's Reading really caught taught me a lesson. Scripture Reading

I Remember my priest, Fr. Chambers saying that when Jesus gives a parable or a story like the prodigal son, Hidden in the story is Jesus himself or some aspect of Jesus. So when i read this passage, i tried to find Jesus in the story. God our father was Abraham, I found Jesus and he was lazarus, the one who was looked down upon, and we are the rich man who cared little for the lord and are indifferent, irresponsible and selfish. Then I realized how it is quite justified that the unrepentant sinner be happy here while he lives. While his heart remains corrupt. I believe that It is an act of justice on god's part that he is not suffering.

this is the reason - I would like to think that because he is made in god's image and because he is going to lose his soul and experience endless torments because of his errors and self love, that god lets him enjoy himself to the fullest here. After all it is only fair for someone to be happy.

This passage also taught me another lesson about the world we live in. When animals ( dogs, cats etc), our pets, show more sympathy and love for neighbour than another human being for a human being, some thing is totally wrong. and if you look at the world today people give animals almost equivalent rights as humans, when we deny basic human rights to people. This thought disturbs me!

Secondly, There are many people who say "Well if you believe in god, do so and so and then we will believe." I now understand when God said it is a faithless and evil generation that ask for a sign. Cause if they couldn't believe that god created the universe, or in the miracles that jesus performed or the proofs that god exist that people term 'coincidences' then it is pointless to ask god for a miracle when they already decided beforehand against god to not believe.

A Lesson on the job

I found this site using stumbleupon toolbar. Is a site that allows you to discover the type of person you are and how you experience the holy. give it a try. Spiritual Survey.

Ok that's one thing. the other thing is that i finally addressed a problem which affected me greatly at my job - My Boss's Annoying Radio Station !! Put yourself in my position, 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week you listen to talk radio. Nothing constuctive is talked about, there is confusion everyday and quarrel non stop on the station. The presenters only show the negatives of society and the works of wrong-doers in religion. would this not affect you in anyway when you sit down to work and secondly when you are trying to pursue a peaceful, more perfect interior and exterior life? One dressed with love and compassion, Where you continually search to understand the will of god and purpose in life? It definitely will affect you!

Well i decided to mention it to my boss when yesterday i realized that it was becoming a burden to my conscience, peace of being me, and my confidence in my job duties. I also felt a little bit intimidated because...to even feel afraid to tell your boss that something that they are doing is bothering you is a sign of intimidation. I felt like - "well she could have violated my space by asking me to solve what was bothering her when I enjoy something, why can I do the same?" when I had to wrestle in the night, thinking, how am i to tell my boss that so and so is happening when i am not used to arguments?

Well this is the lesson i learned today. Though you try to be respective of other person's preferences and seek to make others comfortable....1. ignoring a problem will not make it go away, and 2. Serving and Humbling yourself to authority figures doesnt mean that you become a door mat or deny yourself to the extent that it affects the good you want to achieve.

How Much Of Me

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 89 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?